My dear readers to whom I don’t know,
It is solid then that I am really suck at a relationship. Today I just hurt my dearest one. I made her wait for me. You see, I called her this noon and she said she was going to some restaurants just for surveying. So I offer my self to drive her to those places. I said to her that we should use her car since all my sisters were out and use all cars. So, I told her to use her car instead.
We agreed to take off at 13.30. I was ready at 13.00 and while waiting for her to pick me up, I just play a piano. In my house there is certain places that blocking all cellphone network, and the part where the piano is standing is one of that spot. So at that time I wasn’t be able to receive either phone, sms, nor chat. I thought it would be okay since she was the one that will come to my house. And all I can remember that I already said to her that I’ll wait for her.
But she didn’t show up. it was 14.00 and she still didn’t show up. I didn’t realize what happened so I move to other place at my house so I can at least check my yahoo messenger. And she was ym-ed me, asking me if I was ready or not. I said ready but still thinking that she was the one that gonna pick me up.
Long story short I was waiting at my front door waiting for her but then suddenly she texting me and suggesting me that we canceled the trip. I was confuse. I was never been this confuse. I didn’t know what to do, or say. But I really feel bad, then I begin to wonder and realize, “is it me the one that should come to her house?”. We had a small sms chit-chat but to sum up, I still don’t know that she was actually waiting for me.
She didn’t say she was upset, bad mood, or mad at me. Worst, she even didn’t reply my sms after I send her an apology for something that I wasn’t actually sure that I really made a mistakes.
But she finally texting me back and we meet this evening. I was gonna drive her to one of the place that she need to survey, but since the time wasn’t friendly, it was canceled again (this time not because of me, gladly). So we just have some dinner and well… talk.
For me probably this is the first time that I feel so guilty being around her. feel like just want to disappear. But I try to fight that will. for me it was really took a lot of courage to show in front of her. Normally, I just run away. much easier.
While on the dinner we discuss about what happen this afternoon and it shocked me that that was really my fault. Even thought I didn’t do it on purpose, but I really feel bad, feel guilty, feel low, and worst I didn’t know what to do. I can’t even think a single thing to make myself feel better even if she said that it was okay. So I eventually apologize. for making her wait, for ruining her day, for everything.
But this is the part where I think apologize isn’t that enough. And no, this time, I surely didn’t know what to do. So no story about how great I am making things right or the like because I wasn’t that person this time. I am disappointing at myself, for sure.
Today it should be fun. hanging out with her, chattering things and just even be there with her. I haven’t seen her for almost a week and today where I can see her, I made her upset. I was being jerk and lame. I shouldn’t make her wait. Damn I’m so stupid!
So that’s the story for today. I broke one of principle today, which is never make someone waiting for me. And the worst part was I was making my love one waiting for me. I just hope I can forgive my self just like she did. I don’t want to loose her…
I’m really sorry…
