Mate,

I feel so weird today. Stress and anxious still fulfilling my heart. But then there was something in me that say, “AKH, SCREW IT!!” 

So I went volunteering and I acted so unusual. Maybe people there didn’t realize my differences, but I felt so freakin not-me. I talked unnecessary things. I behave so beyond me. too many laughed and I even injured my self. I was fooling around but unfortunately (or fortunately?) no one understand my joke. Anyway, I guess this time liz got back to see me as the “happy thio”. well, good thing, though because no one felt pity at me. 

From the work, I went down to city. There while waiting for my meeting with my supervisor I laid down on the grass at Hyde Park. I could see the sky really blue with white cloud moving slowly and the wind felt so breezy. The birds are pretty and…. well, everything was so perfect! I felt so peaceful, but in my brain all hates! I wrote something when I was there just to express what I had in mind…

I hate people who walking around me!
I hate all those cars!
I hate the trees, the birds, and the leaves!
I hate when people are chattering!
I hate that two lovers couldn’t stop kissing in public!
I hate building, sky, and earth!
I hate that I have to pee!
I hate all the green-y things in the park!
I hate love!
I hate sad!
I hate happy!
I hate rage!
I hate hate!
I hate irresponsible people!
I hate being hurt!
I hate that stupid f*cking moron!
I hate to the people who say I couldn’t stay here!
I hate everything!!

Then when I was on my way home. I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. I felt this denial in myself. And once I got off from the bus, “the sick” still attacking me, then nex thing I know my eyes wet and some tears falling down. I looked up the sky, I could see Orion, Crux, and Alpha and Beta Centauri. I also saw the city from there where the lights were on. It was sunset and really beautiful. 

I’m stress mate, I’m freakin stress!! I don’t want to leave this country!

Lousy government with those stupid rules!